So, I thought very hard about what I can do to keep my faith growing and I thought about sharing my personal story through a blog. I have had a blog website before and always forgot to post. Then, I have made myself a personal goal to try and post once a week - at least. I would like to make this first entry about something that I experienced a week ago - Steubenville Youth Conference.
It all started when my church youth group were talking about a special conference that was going to be held in the summer called Steubenville Youth Conference. This summer's conference is the third one that my youth group has attended and with me being an adult this year, I could chaperone if I wanted to. So I thought to myself, do I want to experience this wonderful conference that everyone says is fantastic?? Heck yes! So on June 28 (Friday), sixteen teens, and four chaperones hopped into cars and off we went to Steubenville.
We arrived in Steubenville in the afternoon and made it there in time for dinner and then evening gathering. Wow was I amazed to see 2,000 teens pumped over Jesus. Chris Padgett was our MC and he was the most hilarious person that I have ever seen! He could be funny one moment and then serious the next! So we start the evening gathering with praise and worship and then had some speakers talk to us about our weekend theme which was "Chosen" from the bible verse 1 John 4:19 - We love, because He first loved us. The speakers talked about how we were all chosen to be there at the conference and how much God truly loves us. After evening gathering, we all gathered with our youth group and talked about our expectations and the reasons why we attended the conference. I thought about the two reasons why I was there, and I truly believe that I was there to truly accept God's love for me and also to finally be able to forgive myself for some decisions that I have made in the past.
Saturday was the day when I finally heard some things that I needed to hear from the Lord. The day started off with breakfast and then we all gathered for Mass. After mass, we had Deacon Ralph as our first speaker and he talked about certain chains that we carry with us and the sins that we hold in our hearts. He talked about God's love for us and that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He talked about the two chains that weigh us down - shame and fear. Fear is a big chain that weighs on me. I am always afraid of judgement when I try to have a deep relationship with God. Truthfully in my past, I have had people walk into my life and I grow a close bond with these people and then they would walk out of my life without a reason. So when it comes to my relationship with God, I am deeply afraid that I will have a good close relationship with him and then something will happen and that relationship will disappear. What I quickly learned was that God will never leave me. He is always with me and when I am angry or mad with him, He is always there for me and will follow me wherever I go and lead me back home.
Jesus wants to lift the chains of burden, shame, fear, anger, etc off of us. All we have to do is truly ask Him to take the chains off of us. That is what confession is for. When we confess our sins, that is like asking God to take the chains of sin off our bodies so that we can feel weightless and free! He loves us always and will always forgives us for our sins.
During our afternoon, the women and men broke into two different sessions and the women had Sarah Swafford as our speaker and she talked about becoming the simple irresistible woman. What I took from her talk were these two quotes, "I am loved, I am enough, I am never alone and I am a daughter of God." and the second one was "Dance with God, and trust that He will let the man He's chosen for you cut in."
In the evening, we had Eucharistic Adoration which was the most powerful thing that I have been a part of as a Catholic. Father Dave talked about Jesus asking the question "What do you want from me?" So as the procession began and the host came near my aisle, I started reaching out to Him and just started crying. I quickly went back to my past and how much my mother has not been there for me. I felt shame because I felt like I was being a horrible daughter and that was the reason she didn't show her love for me. What I got from adoration that night, was that I needed to give 100% to Jesus. He doesn't want just half of me. He wants the whole thing. I needed to truly let go of that control that I was holding inside of me and just let God handle everything. He wants to love me and wants to have a relationship with me. I just needed to realize that Jesus is God, and God loves me unconditionally. I have God's love always and that is enough! This all comes back to the saying, "I am loved, I am enough, I am never alone and I am a daughter of God." I could just feel peace within me that everything is going to be okay with God by my side. I don't need to try and control everything. I am not alone, God is with me!!
By the time Sunday rolled around, I just felt peace and happiness and joy from the previous night. I just felt like I had broken some walls inside of my soul and just allowed Jesus back into my life. So we closed the weekend out with Sunday mass and during the Eucharist part of mass, Bob Rice and his band sang the song "You Are Mine." During this song, is when I felt like Jesus was physically talking to me. When the band started singing the chorus, I just felt like Jesus was saying these words to me:
"Do not be afraid, I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me, I will bring you home.
I love you and you are mine."
I soon truly believed that is what Jesus has been trying to get me to hear throughout the weekend. There was my God moment for the day. So to say that Steubenville was the most moving experience that I have ever experienced was definitely an understatement. By the end of the weekend, all my doubts of God's love went away and I could just feel his love shining in my heart! Instead of feeling sad, my heart felt joy and happiness. I had the privilege to attend Steubenville as just an adult chaperone - at the same time it was so much more to it than just making sure we all had our kids and they all got there and back home safely!
I am blessed to have a God that loves me unconditionally and who is with me now and forever!! All I have to do is give my whole body, mind and soul to Him.
God Bless,
Brittany
